Why Do the "cool kids" sit at the back of the bus?

So I remember it like it was yesterday. There I was, waiting for the over achieving bus driver to move his magic knob to unchain the doors of the bus. I always would enter the bus with a strut of some kind, almost with a little bit of swagger. As I enter I would carefully maneuver my way towards the back, stepping over back packs and evading freshly-chewed gum on the floor, and then finally sit my ass down at the second to last row. I would always sit on the aisle seat because God knows I’m not going to let some punk push me over and make me get the bitch seat next to the window. Of course, I would never sit in the very last seat. That seat was reserved for the coolest kid on the bus.

But why, why is it that the “cool kids” always sit back there? I came up with numerous reasons to answer this vital question. My first theory is that minorities don’t want another Rosa Parks incident to occur so they avoid it all together by just sitting all the way in the back, easy enough. Well of course modern society wouldn’t let that slide nowadays so I guess that myth is busted.

My second theory is a little less out there and less alienating as well. Every kid wants to be a pro athlete at one point during their life. Sitting in the back of bus gives them a little taste of the good life. In the NBA or NFL, at the beginning of any game they call out the starting line-up, always saving the superstar for last. One-by-one the athletes names are called then one-by-one they must gallop out of the tunnel and run with their hands out slapping hands with their teammates. Then finally the superstar runs out and slaps hands with everyone until they reach the back and the game begins. Similar to the “cool kids” who wait until everyone is seated to make their emerging debut. They make their way to the back giving lesser cooler kids high fives and what not, until they reach the back of the bus. They then give the bus driver the thumbs up for departure.

Well whatever the case is it always dawns on me: why is it like that? Back in my day, we would have a chart of coolness. The cooler you are the further from the front you sat. Except the middle, because the middle seats were where the emergency exit was and there was more leg room. The tall kid sat there but he was still cool on my bus and he was an exception to the rule.

Things today haven’t changed. I noticed this the other day when I pulled up to the bus while driving my cool KIA Sophia. I observe yet again, kids in the front of the bus sitting down, behaving and just listening to music while the kids in the back are standing up throwing shit out of the window and yelling. I watched all this from the comfort of my premium leather Wal-Mart seat covers and realized when we were younger the more outrageous you were the cooler you seemed to be.